When No One Notices All You Do
It's the kind of work nobody puts on a calendar.
Remembering that your brother in law can't eat nuts. Buying one more gift because someone always arrives with empty hands. Texting three people to find out who is bringing the rolls. Noticing that your mom has been quiet lately and making a mental note to call.
When it all goes well, it looks like the day simply happened. Nobody says thank you for something they never saw.
It's still October, and some of us already feel a small, tight knot forming somewhere under the ribs. I think it's resentment. I'd rather name it than act like it isn't there.
It doesn't always look like anger
Most of the time it's quieter than that. A sigh in the pantry. A short answer when someone asks what's for dinner, again. A thought that starts with "Must be nice."
Then the guilt shows up right behind it, because you love these people. Nobody made you do any of this. You wanted to.
I don't think you have to pick one feeling and throw out the other. You can love your family and be tired of being the only one who knows what it takes to hold the season together. Both can sit at the same table.
A verse written to tired people
The letter to the Hebrews was written to a community of believers that had been through a lot. The writer doesn't go easy on them. Some of what he says in chapters 5 and 6 is stern. Then he turns toward them and says he is confident of better things in their case, and he gives them this:
"For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do." (Hebrews 6:10, ESV)
I want to be careful with this one. The writer is talking about love shown for God's name in serving the saints, which means fellow believers. It was written about the way the church cared for one another. It wasn't written about gift lists or holiday dinners, and I won't pretend it was.
What it does show us is how God looks at faithful service. He says work and love in the same breath. God doesn't only see that something got done. He sees why.
He also says it would be unjust of Him to overlook it. The writer isn't hoping God will notice if He has a minute. He's saying that missing it would be out of keeping with who God is.
And then, at the end, "as you still do." These people hadn't stopped. They were tired and they were still showing up.
So here is the connection I'm comfortable making. If God recognizes service that comes from love when believers serve one another, then the same heart is behind how He sees you. A woman who gives her time and attention to her family out of love for them, and for Him, isn't working somewhere He can't see. I'm drawing that line as a picture of who God is, not as a promise this verse makes about your kitchen.
What this doesn't fix
A verse about God seeing your work doesn't change what happens in your own kitchen. Your family may go right on not noticing.
If there's a part of the load that could be shared, asking out loud is still worth doing. Saying "I need help with the gift list this year" isn't a failure of love, and it isn't asking for a medal. Carrying all of it in silence can wear a person down, and a direct, kind sentence has a better chance of lightening the load.
The verse is for the other part. The part that no one else will ever see, no matter how good your family is. The late night wrapping, the hundred small decisions about what would make someone feel welcome. God's eyes are not limited to what gets noticed at the table.
Before the season picks up
Think of one thing you do for the holidays that nobody sees. Just one.
Tell God about it plainly. You can say the true thing, including "I'm tired of this" and "I wish someone noticed." He isn't surprised by it, and He won't scold you for being honest.
Then, if you can, thank Him for seeing it. That might feel a little strange at first. It can also loosen your grip on needing the room to applaud.
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A prayer for tonight
Lord, You see what I do when no one is looking, and You see why I do it. I'm tired, and some of me is frustrated. Take that honestly from my hands. Show me what I can share, and what I can simply give to You. Thank You that You see work done in love. Amen.
Reflection: What is one thing you carry for other people that you wish someone had noticed?
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